i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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