like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
