Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
