Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You ruined the universe
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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