It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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