sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
