oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
