the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
