Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
