no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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