your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
