Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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