Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
