Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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