I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
