i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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