I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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