I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize