totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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