Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Panties = found
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
