the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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