and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
