Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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