I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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