i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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