Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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