I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
