Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
