Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
zippers are such a cool invention
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
