Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
