Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
