oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
