Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize