I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
did i just pee glitter
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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