I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
