You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
