Moan for me like Helen Keller
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
