bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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