Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
