I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Never joke about your clitoris.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
