Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
