my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
