please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
