Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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