sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm bleeding and have questions
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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