PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
