I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
