"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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