I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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