Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
