she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
