i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
