If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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