kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
