i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
