god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
