u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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