im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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