My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
