So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
