Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My breasts were aching with rage.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
