When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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