If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize