Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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