Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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