So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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