All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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