You really coming over, don't trick.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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