i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
