Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have post one night stand depression
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