Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
