I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
