I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
